Rainbow Fruit Salad

Oh, dear me. I apologize for the lack of posts. I got busy after Eid came and school started. But I have a recipe for you!

It is called, "Rainbow Fruit Salad." It is featured on my life blog, which I generously dubbed "Just Remember". Here's the post. Goblins for Dinner

Now then, on with the recipe.

You will need:

FOOD:

• 1 ripe yellow banana that hasn't blackened yet and that is obvious
• 1/4 of a red watermelon, not a yellow one because that would be weird
• 1/2 of an orange cantaloupe melon
• 3 green kiwis
• a bunch of black grapes or red grapes
• 1/2 of a yellow lemon (say that 3 times fast)

MATERIALS:

• A big salad bowl. This is a salad isn't it? Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit, but wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
• A paring knife. For slicing. What else would you use it for?
• A large knife, or whatever you like to use for cutting big melons.
• A cutting board (unless you use your counter for cutting things on...).

You will have to:

1. Thinly slice the banana and put the slices into the salad bowl.
2. Cube the watermelon and put it into the salad bowl too.
3. Cube the cantaloupe and put it into the salad bowl too.
4. Slice and quarter the kiwis and put them in the bowl.
5. Halve the grapes and toss 'em in. Don't miss.
6. Squeeze the lemon all over the whole thing and stir it around. This is for preserving the bananas, making sure they don't brown.
7. Eat.
8. Enjoy.
9. Relieve yourself. (in the restroom! what are you going outside for?!)

Thank you for reading today's recipe. A more advanced, more tasty version of it is...

FOOD:

• a bag or carton of red strawberries, fresh or frozen, no matter
• two mangoes (or a bag of frozen mangoes if you like frozen fruits)
• two bananas (these will always be fresh. Stores rarely freeze bananas.)
• three kiwis or a bunch of delicioso green grapes
• a bag or carton of purple blueberries, fresh or frozen, no matter
• a bag or carton of red raspberries, fresh or frozen, no matter
• two purple, non sour plums or a bunch of red/purple grapes
• water
• half a lemon

MATERIALS:

• a big salad bowl
• a few small bowls
• appropriate knives
• an appropriate cutting board...

INSTRUCTIONS if you are using frozen fruits:

1. Defrost all the frozen fruits in separate bowls. (How to defrost: Put a frozen thing inside a bowl of cold water and submerge it in the water.)
2. Slice the bananas. Thickly, but not too thick. Place them in the salad bowl.
3. Slice the kiwis. Thickly, but not too thick. Place them in the salad bowl.
4. Pit the plums and cut them in quarters OR if you aren't using plums then halve the grapes (both kinds) and put them into the salad bowl.
5. Squeeze the lemon all over the bowl and stir well.
6. Eat.
7. Enjoy.
8. Relieve yourself (in the bathroom this time).

INSTRUCTIONS if you are using fresh fruits:

1. Halve the strawberries and grapes (both kinds).
2. Slice the bananas. (THICKLYYY)
3. Slice the kiwis. (THICKLYYY)
4. Cube the mango.
5. Place everything into the salad bowl (don't forget the raspberries and blueberries) and squeeze lemon over everything and stir.
6. Eat.
7. Enjoy.
8. Take a third trip to the restroom.

Thank y'all for reading this, and until next time, adios!!

-The Professional Chef

Milkless Tropical Fruit Smoothie

YOU PEOPLE ARE ALLOWED TO COMMENT YOU KNOWWWWWWWWWWWAAAAaand I'm sorry I haven't been posting but I got sick. No, I didn't get sick from eating my own stuff, if you're wondering.

Lately I've been making smoothies without dairy because my big sister and bratty youngest brother are both lactose-intolerant. And Mother recently (like a month ago) found this healthy drink brand called 'GoodBelly.' Is that in your stores yet? It's got a real funny name, yeah? I've never liked the word 'belly.'

Anywhoooozers, TO THE POINT. So I think this happened last week (yes, I know you really want me to get on with the recipe but I have no care) and Mother and Father and Big Sister S came back from the Farmer's Market.

MOTHER: I think you'll be ecstatic if you look in the chest freezer, Nu.
NU: You got berries!?!?
(No reply.)

Blasphemy! If no one wants to answer me, I'll have their head stuffed with smoothies! Anyways, I explored the chest freezer later, and found one of my favorite frozen products. Now, what is that brand? I think it's called...Oh! It's called Nu-Can't-Remember-And-Has-To-Check-Some-Other-Time. My favorite frozen product is the frozen diced mangoes. Mmm. I can finish one whole bag in less than an hour. Them people should fill up their packages with more fruits. There was also this tropical fruit thing that had slices of bananas, diced mangoes, and strawberries. And we also had raspberries.

RECIPE

1 cup of pomegranate GoodBelly drink
half a bag of tropical frozen fruit as said in the junk above
half a cup of frozen raspberries
1/4 cup of frozen diced mangoes

They don't have to be frozen, of course, but this is a smoothie, and smoothies are supposed to be cold. So if you're using fresh fruit, add 3 ice cubes to the blender for coldness.

I like putting the berries in first and then the liquid. (Note that the amount of liquid listed never really matters. When I  made this, it came out globby and not so much liquidy. Put in more liquid and it'll slide out of the blender more easily.)

If you need help or don't understand any of this, consult your parent or comment.

-Nu

TEMPORARY NOTE: I'll have pictures, master! I will! I have to buy more GoodBelly! Just wait!